Identity Crisis
by Insanitoon
Summary: Mello manages to annoy a rogue shinigami; he repays the favour by switching Mello and Near's bodies - by accident. Now they have to find a way to deal with the change, and to switch back. This FF is a team effort between me and Forbiddensoul562.
1. Chapter 1

**READ THIS:** **Hey guys. This FF is collaborative FF between me and Forbiddensoul562. **

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_**So, I'll write chapters 1, 3, 5 etc. and she'll write chapters 2,4,6 etc. **_

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I _really_ hope you'll enjoy our attempt at injecting some creativity and random organic-ness to this FF. =)

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Disclaimer: We do not own Death Note or any of its associated concepts or affiliates.

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**Identity Crisis**

Chapter 1

Jethro the shinigami had finally done it – he'd finally ventured into the human world.

'_This is a blast!' _he thought, _'Oh god… what's that smell!? It's glorious!'_

Jethro bent down and sniffed a strange brown lump resting beside a funny shaped red object.

_'Ahhh… what a sweet scent…'_

He was about to pick the lump up and eat it when another smell caught his nose.

He lifted his head from the gravely floor and searched the horizon. The sun blazed in the distance, its fiery glare tinting the evening sky in warm, orange tones.

_'What a marvellous place…'_

His nose perked again. He slowly floated toward the smell. After drifting past a few strange barking things he located its source.

It was emanating from a blonde-haired human. He couldn't tell if it was male or female, but it didn't matter; the smell was delicious.

He floated over until he was so close that his nose was overpowered by the scent. He could see quite clearly that the human was male now. He also realised that the smell wasn't coming from the human himself at all – it was coming from an angular brown object in the human's hand.

'_Is that the same as the brown thing on the floor?'_

Jethro didn't want to waste time pondering such questions. Whatever it was made of, he had to eat it _right now_. He couldn't resist. He floated a little closer and snatched the object from the person's hand.

The human bellowed and snarled and snatched it back. Swinging punches at where Jethro's hand used to be.

'_Aw crap, I'm going to have to try to negotiate with it now.'_

At a loss for any alternative plans, he swiftly chucked his Death Note at the person's head.

For a moment, Jethro thought that the human had become even more enraged, but then it stopped yelling and simply stared at him. He wondered if the human was disgusted. Jethro didn't think he was all that ugly – he regularly trimmed his horns and powdered his warts. In the shinigami realm he was one of the most attractive death gods around.

The human smirked.

"A shinigami, huh? What do you want with my chocolate bar?"

Jethro could feel his eye tick coming on. He wasn't very good at negotiating.

'_Oh god don't get nervous.'_

"Uhm… It, well, it just smells nice. I'd like to eat it."

The human grinned like Kinddara did when she was particularly bloodthirsty.

"If you want my chocolate bar you'll have to do me a favour."

_'Jeez… these humans sure are manipulative.'_

Then Jethro realised what the human was about to do.

Mello quickly snapped up the Death Note and clutched it against his chest. His teeth shone in the setting sun.

"Your Death Note for my chocolate bar."

His eye started twitching.

'_Damn it! This is the _last_ thing I need happening right now.'_

The human laughed. Jethro could see his red tongue lolling about in his mouth.

"You know what?" The human snarled, "I think I'll keep both anyway. After all, you're stuck here now that I have your Death Note."

_'No… it's just like that time with Nu! This is so not fair! I can't be chained to this human like his slave… I can't!'_

The human started to walk away.

_'There's only one thing left for me to do… but if I fail…'_

"Come along, Shinigami, if you want your Death Note back you're going to have to work for me."

Jethro decided to go for it, even though he wasn't completely sure he could pull it off. After all, he'd only done this once before. And even that hadn't turned out too good!

"…Uhm…P-Prepare yourself!" He grandly announced, "For your, uh, ultimate imprisonment!"

He lifted up one of his great claws, bearing his teeth and looking more like an anxious kitten than a vicious death god.

"I…I shall change your very essence!" He squealed, "Your mind, uh, and your body shall be one no more!"

He brought down his claw and the human fell to the ground, his body crackling and flashing as magical energy surged through it.

Jethro bent down and picked up his Death Note. His eye wasn't twitching anymore.

'_Thank you, Old Man shinigami.'_

He walked away, pleased that his magic had worked.

For once.

*

Mello felt ill. He couldn't feel his body, and he wasn't sure if he was up or upside down.

_'What the fuck did that shinigami do to me? And why is it so dark in here…?'_

He tried to move his arm, but it felt as heavy and limp as a beached whale. He was sure his eyes were open – but all he could see were wobbly grey blurs rushing across his myopic vision.

_'Christ.'_

He tried to kick his legs, desperate to feel his own body properly again, but they didn't budge. He tried again, and this time they moved slightly. Mello kept kicking, more and more, harder and harder till he felt his knees move in a direction; though he couldn't tell which direction they'd moved in.

_'Damn it.'_

Mello could hear voices in the distance.

"Near!? Near, are you all right!?"

_'Near? Why the fuck are they asking for Near?'_

The voices were getting closer now. One of them sounded like Halle. Mello was beginning to wonder where the fuck he was.

_'Did Near capture me whilst I was knocked out?'_

His eyesight was coming back to him now. He could see large white bars way up above his head. He realised he was flat on his back.

'_Fluorescent lighting…? I'm inside then…'_

"NEAR!"

Suddenly Mello's body was being aggressively shaken. His body flopped around limply, like a rag doll being tossed about by a toddler in a tantrum. He managed to find the energy to scream.

"FUCK OFF!" He roared, "I'm _NOT _Near, so you can just fuck off and leave me alone you crazy bastards!"

Suddenly the blurry shapes backed off. Mello thought he heard someone gasp. He was beginning to be able to see their faces.

"Near, what's wrong?"

That sounded like Halle. Mello was certain it was her. He could almost see her eyes…

"I'm not Near, I'm Mello." He grumbled, rolling onto his stomach and pushing himself up on all fours.

It was then that noticed his voice. It was a lot higher, and less manly.

_'Did he fuck with my voice too? That shinigami is gonna be getting payback for sure.'_

He stood up and brushed himself down. It was then that he saw himself in the polished floor tiles.

He had white hair. He was wearing white pyjamas. Not only that… he was shorter too.

_'Am I… Near?'_

Mello touched his face – Near's face. He refused to believe that the shinigami did something so terrible. It was just too much for him to take.

He fell to his knees.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! NO! NO! NO! NO! FUCKING NO! YOU BASTARD I'LL FUCKING KILL YOU! AGGGHHHHHHHHHHH!!!"

Mello started pounding the floor with his bare hands, wishing that he'd never met the goddamn shinigami, that this was all some prank, some trick, and that someone would pop out of thin air and say 'Gotcha!' before things got any worse.

But, in his heart, he knew that wasn't going to happen.

He rested his hands on marble below. Sweat was rolling down his pale cheeks and dripping onto the pitch-black floor. His harsh panting was the only sound in the room. Mello saw Rester's reflection move closer to his own.

"Mello…" he said; his voice burly and deep, "please; can you explain what's going on?"

Rester sounded worried, and serious - and accusatory. Did they really think he would swap bodies with a creepy albino gnome willingly?

"It's not my fault, okay? I didn't do anything to your precious little furball!" He yelled, "Some bastard shinigami did this to me!"

Rester held his hands up as if someone had pointed a gun at his head.

"It's okay Mello, no one's blaming you. We just want to know what's happened to Near; wouldn't you want the same if one of your comrades went missing?"

Mello didn't bother answering Rester's question; his mind didn't have enough room for conscious thought anymore. He lay down on the smooth marble floor. The cool rock eased his mind somewhat.

Gevanni turned away and started pacing the room. Rester just stood still like a fleshy golem. Halle looked totally drained of energy. For a long time, everyone remained silent. Then Halle broke the silence.

"Mello, do you know where the shinigami is now?"

Mello creased his face in an irritated grimace. It made Near's face ache.

"No, I'm not its damn keeper. It's probably back in the shinigami realm by now."

"Mello," Gevanni interjected, "if you're in Near's body, then where is Near?"

But he already knew the answer.

*

Near was lying face down in the street. His body was aching, and he was quite sure his nose was bleeding as well. What he wasn't sure of was how he got there.

"Ow…" he muttered, gently propping himself up on his forearms.

"Is this a dream?" He wondered aloud.

The last thing he could remember was fainting at the SPK building. His next memory was of his sore and bleeding nose.

_'Did my comrades betray me…?'_

His silence was broken by a voice far above his aching head.

"Woah, Mello, are you all right?"

_'Did Mello do this to me!?'_

Near was starting to panic now. He could feel his heart beating against his ribcage, and he was starting to sweat.

"Mels, you okay? You didn't turn up at my place, man."

_'Where is Mello?'_

Near got on his knees and looked up. Staring down at him was Matt; his green eyes were alive with concern.

"Mello?" he said, sounding very alarmed now.

_'He's talking to me… but that's impossible'_

Near looked straight into Matt's eyes.

"Are… are you… talking, to _me_?" He groaned; his head still reeling from whatever damage it had taken.

Matt frowned, quickly leaning down and lifting Near to his feet.

"You must have hurt your head pretty badly man, let's take you back to my place and get you something to drink."

_'What's wrong with him? I am most certainly _not_ Mello.' _Near mused, feeling more confused every second.

He decided to clear everything up, immediately.

"Matt-"

Near quickly shut his mouth.

He had sounded like Mello. Had he sounded like that earlier?

_'This is preposterous, I'm hallucinating, that's why I never noticed it.'_

He tried again, "Matt, I'm-"

He still sounded like Mello.

"Settle down dude," insisted the concerned redhead, "you can tell me all about what happened when you've cleared your head."

_'This is insane…'_

Near moved to play with his hair; playing with his hair always helped to calm him down. Then he noticed that it was blonde, and not nearly as wavy as he remembered it being earlier. He looked down at his legs. He was wearing jeans. A chocolate bar wrapper was stuck in his left pocket.

'_NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!'_

Near fainted.

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A/N: Thank you for reading this, I hope you enjoyed this, and I hope you'll also enjoy Forbiddensoul562's chapter - chapter 2! =D


	2. Chapter 2

A/N: What can I say? I'm kind of disappointed about the lack of reviews for the previous chapter. Grant has a weird way of doing things. Call it originality! I do. Anyway, hopefully people will like this one better and leave us some small note to tell us how we're doing. I don't even care if you flame it anymore! Just give me something to work with!

Disclaimer: We do not own Death Note or any of the characters used in this story. (Except Jethro. He's Grant's.)

Chapter 2

Everything was spinning around him, even now. Near held his eyes closed and hoped to any divine being that might exist that everything that'd happened, previous to him blacking out, had just been a dream.

He listened for the sounds of the investigation room in the SPK building –but there was none. He even listened for the sounds of New York City that he was always able to hear outside his bedroom window. But again nothing of the sort came.

Forcing his parched throat to swallow, hard, he finally allowed his eyes to slip open.

He found himself staring at a ceiling, in a room that he instantly knew he'd never been in before. He could just tell, not by looking at it, but by all the other senses that were around him.

He could hear quiet music being played from somewhere off to the side. The bed, which he presumed he was laying on, was comfortable but a bit lumpy at the same time. But the air was what was choking him. It felt stale, and was filled with heat, as though the entire place lacked even the simplest of AC systems, or even a single fan.

"Hey, man, you're awake." Came Matt's voice from the side –and instinctively Near let his eyes move over to where it'd come from.

Matt was standing in the doorway of the room, carrying with him a plain white cup of some steaming liquid.

He pulled his goggles up off his eyes as he stepped more into the room. "You passed out again, so I brought you back here." Matt grabbed a wooden chair from off to the side and positioned it beside the bed. "So what happened?" He asked, concerned eyes watching Near.

But Near couldn't find the words to answer immediately. He forced the aching body to sit up so he could better look around the room he was in.

It was, in fact, a bedroom, consisting of a simple bed, a wooden dresser off to the side, and a TV and small couch on the other side –where a game sat on pause. Near figured that must've been where the music had been coming from.

'_I can't tell Matt that I'm not Mello…'_ Near decided, looking down at himself and realizing, painfully that he was still in the blonde's body. _'He would never believe me, I guess… I could try to play along with this.'_ He decided, looking back over to Matt. _'Now comes the difficult part…'_

He took a deep breath before he began –trying to call up all the memories of the blonde that he had so the act would be more believable. "I… don't know." He said honestly, letting his head rest in his hand. "Maybe it was the heat getting to me or something."

He could feel the soft blonde locks sweep past his hand, and he was incredibly tempted to begin twirling the strands.

Matt was quiet for a long moment, and in that time Near began to worry if even that response wasn't convincing enough. But finally he grinned a bit as he shrugged. "Maybe." He then offered out the cup to him. "I made hot chocolate for you. I know you don't like tea… and it was the only other thing I had at the moment."

Near looked from Matt to the offered cup. _'The only wrong action, here, would be to decline it. Mello and that damn chocolate. Of course he wouldn't be able to resist it.'_ But he, as himself, could. The dark substance was just too sweet for his tastes.

So Near took it from him –holding the warm cup between his hands and looking down at it. It felt like a match of wits between himself and the substance. He, knowing his own dislike for it, and the substance which held the believability with it.

He finally exhaled slightly and took a small sip –feeling the way the chocolate drink burned his mouth, and his throat as it went down. It didn't even taste like chocolate. It was simply too hot for him to register anything else.

Leave it to Matt to screw up something even so simple as making hot chocolate.

Near handed it back to him, "I'll drink it later." He told himself, then moving over to the edge of the bed. He noticed the way this body moved so much easier than his own would in this situation.

'_What to do now…'_ Near wondered, looking around the room once more. He was still trying to get over the initial shock of it all.

His eyes moved over to Matt. "Why was I going to come over here again?" He asked, deciding before he even asked the question that, if Matt seemed suspicious at all, he could just blame the fall.

Matt's look did turn confused for a moment, but it soon cleared as he shrugged. "We were going to just hang out or something, I guess. You didn't really tell me, when you called."

Suddenly, there seemed to be a mischievous expression that painted its way across Matt's face. He set the cup on a table that was sitting by the bed before moving himself closer –which instantly put Near on alert. "Or," He started. "Maybe you wanted to come over… for something else." A small smirk only added to his expression.

Near felt his, or rather, Mello's eyes widen a bit when he caught on to what Matt was insinuating. _'He can't be serious!'_ Near thought quickly. _'I knew Mello and Matt were close but never __that__ close!'_ He had to admit, he wasn't sure what to do.

What if that was the reason Mello had been heading over to Matt's?

"I don't think so." Near said, without thinking about it. He stood up as though to head from the room. He knew it was in Mello's nature to state the way things were _going_ to be, and make sure they went that way.

But suddenly, Matt stood up and blocked his way –making Near instantly stop. "Oh come on." He moved closer to Near, and instinctively he knew Matt was trying to get a kiss out of him.

'_What do I do? What do I do?' _Near thought, panicking, to himself.

When he didn't do anything, Matt closed the gap between them and their lips brushed together. Near couldn't even close his eyes because of all the surprise that was coursing through him.

Matt pulled back, and Near had a half-second to compose himself again –so he didn't give it away. "Are you satisfied now?" He asked, with irritation in the same form that he knew Mello would.

Matt gave a big smile –his face alight, "For now." He said.

Near couldn't fight his shudder as he walked out of the room. He knew _exactly_ what Matt had in mind, but he had no intention of going _that_ far. _'He's already taken my first kiss. Why can't that be enough?'_

-

Meanwhile, at the SPK building, Mello was pacing in the investigation room –despite how much it made his body ache. He knew Near's body wasn't used to this much movement at one time, but he didn't care.

_He_ was in control now, and he would do as he wanted with this body.

'_If I'm in Near's body, then that means he's probably in mine. Dammit! When I see that shinigami again-.'_

His thoughts were suddenly cut off by one of Near's pawns, Gevanni, speaking up and thus breaking the choking silence that'd hung in the air. "So what do we do now, then?"

Mello stopped in place. _'What'd Near do to these people? Don't they have a mind of their own? Oh, of course not. Near would want them dumb like this so he can have absolute control and not be questioned.'_

Well, he figured, so long as he was here and in control, he'd better make the most of it. He knew that if he didn't, that meant the longer he'd have to be stuck in Near's body. Which meant God only knew what Near would be doing to his.

"We need to contact Near." He finally stated, looking over and seeing their confused looks. "Our bodies were switched, not our minds you dumbasses! I do know my own cell phone number!"

Instantly, he saw their eyes come alight with understanding. But still nothing happened. He growled, "Well, get me a phone, dammit!"

-

Near had been sitting on the couch out in the living room of Matt's apartment while Matt sat next to him and played video games. He'd grown bored of watching him quickly, and instead began trying to figure out how exactly this whole thing had happened.

'_It had to be something Mello did. I was in the SPK building. I wonder what he was doing at the time…'_ He thought to himself. _'Speaking of which… I wonder how exactly we're to fix this situation too.'_

He couldn't think of anything. His eyes moved over to Matt, obviously bored as he again fought against the urge to twirl his hair.

He really wanted to try calling the building and seeing what was going on there. But he couldn't risk making Matt suspicious right now. He would just have to wait. _'Maybe tonight, when I leave, or when Matt falls asleep…'_

However, suddenly a loud ringing cut through the silence between them. He could tell, from how loud it was, that it was coming from his pocket. _'Mello's cell phone!'_ He quickly pulled it out, noticing Matt now watching him –probably waiting to determine who it was.

He stood up when he retrieved it from his pocket, then flipping it open. "Hello?" He asked, cautiously, as he was a bit nervous as to who could be on the other line.

"Near, you bastard!" Came a familiar voice. One he knew, as his own.

A/N: Well… the majority of this was just pulled out of thin air, as are most of my chapters these days. If anyone liked it I'll be very surprised. As I said above, if you've taken the time to read it this far, then think about how much time we've put into working on this, and thinking about it to try and make it the best it can be. Please just leave a simply comment or two to let us know how we're doing, or how we could improve this. It's an experimentation of the styles, that's it. So… let us know!

Please review!

_Forbiddensoul562 and Insanitoon_


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer: I do not own DN, or any of the concepts or affiliated concepts and bodies associated with it or its producers and writers.**

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A/N: Just want to thank everyone who's read this FF, and especially those who've reviewed it =) I'd also like to thank Forbiddensoul562 for beta reading this for me.

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**Chapter 3:**

It was 5pm. Near had told Mello he'd be at the SPK building by 8.

They were riding on Mello's bike; Near was doing the driving. The only problem was that he didn't know how he was doing it.

'_If only Matt hadn't overheard our conversation…'_

A car rocketed past so close to his ear that he flinched. A gust of wind threatened to push him off, and Mello's blonde hair was blowing in front of his eyes, blurring the white lines between the lanes and making it almost impossible to see where he was going.

_'What possessed me to ride on this infernal contraption? I should have let Matt guess his way there.'_

Near swerved to the left. His gut told him to, though it didn't deign to tell him where it was leading him. Outside of central New York he was completely lost. Or, at least, his mind was.

'_This is the last time I listen when someone says, "Let's take the bike!"'_

Matt's voice clawed its way through the fierce gale.

"Do you even know where you're going?"

Near wanted to say, "No, I can't even remember the last time I left the SPK building."

But instead he called out, "Yes, I know exactly what I'm doing Matt. I've done this many times before."

Matt remained silent. Or maybe his voice was engulfed in the turbulent winds.

Mello would have some serious explaining to do when Near finally found the SPK headquarters.

'_And to have the cheek to call and act as if I were to blame. Even in dire situations he doesn't change; I am always the enemy.'_

His crotch was starting to itch – Mello's tight clothing was much more uncomfortable than what he normally wore. Though he was strangely cool. Maybe it was a side effect of being outside for too long.

'_I could do with a chocolate bar right about now…'_

A truck suddenly swerved toward them, thrusting Near out of his chocolate reverie. He desperately swerved onto the hard shoulder and squeezed the brakes. But he didn't slow down enough; the bike crashed into a metal barrier. He fell forward onto the handlebars with a thump, and toppled face-first onto the floor, ruining his already broken nose. Matt fell right on top of him, squashing his torso against the cool tarmac.

"Owww…"

He felt a raindrop fall on his head. It was soon followed by several more.

_'Oh no…'_

By the time Matt had extricated himself from Near the sky was firing raindrops down faster than a machine gun.

Near pushed himself up and tentatively got to his feet. His nose was screaming out in pain and his back was a veritable symphony of agony.

He stretched, getting on tiptoe and raising his arms up towards the murky sky. He moaned as his back clicked.

"Near," Matt interrupted, "we're gonna have to call a repair guy."

Near sighed and held his head in his hands. Could it get any worse than this?

Then he noticed the leak in the fuel line.

Near was suddenly overcome with an incredible rage. Every muscle in his body felt taut and stretched, his flesh felt like steel, and he had the urge to randomly beat things with his fists.

He kicked the bike, creating a hollow ringing noise within its chassis. He felt something crack in his big toe.

'_Owwwwwwwwww! You damn bike! How dare you hurt my foot!'_

He kicked it again, this time so viciously that it actually toppled and fell over, probably doing untold damage to its structure, and his foot.

He was so pumped that he didn't notice Matt yelling at him.

'_Is this what being Mello feels like? This is so intense… and frightening…'_

Near shook his head to try and bring himself to his senses.

His body was drenched in rainwater, he was shivering, the bike was useless, he had no way of finding his body – a.k.a. Mello – and Matt was screaming in his face.

"_Are you fucking _crazy?_ Mello's gonna kill you if he finds out about this!"_

Then Near knew what he had to do. He had never been so fired up in his entire life.

"_**Matt!**_"

The redhead stopped screaming; seemingly shocked into silence by how loudly Near had yelled his name.

Or maybe he was just taken aback by Near's broken and bloody nose.

"…You call for a breakdown service and get them to repair Mello's bike. I know the way to the SPK building; Mello's body knows the way. I'll walk there."

Matt wasn't pleased.

"What!?" he roared, "What's wrong with you? You'll freeze out here!"

He stretched his arms out for effect.

"And the cars, what about all the cars on the road!?"

Near could see that Matt was genuinely afraid; but why did he feel upset about that? This person was his opponent, he was aiding Mello, and yet…

Near was starting to feel afraid too. What was he becoming, now that his mind was in Mello's body?

"Matt, if you want to come with me, feel free."

Matt growled and shook his head in disbelief.

"Dude! We can just wait till the bike's fixed!"

He was right. They could just wait, find a map, and then drive back. But he didn't want to do that; something in Mello's body was telling him to ignore Matt.

_'Fuck Matt. He's too much of a pussy to understand anyway. _I know _where I'm going; is that so hard to accept?'_

Near agreed with this new-found side to himself. He even kind of liked it. A bit of impulsivity would be good for him.

"Matt, I'm going, whether you like it or not. I have to do this."

Wow, he sounded so aggressive, so much more powerful than he had in his own body.

Matt frowned and crossed his arms, pouting like a child who's been denied its toy.

"You're starting to sound as stubborn as Mello; and just as crazy too, you nutjob."

Near smirked, "I'm glad you're seeing this my way, Matt. I hope the rain eases off for you."

Matt waved a hand dismissively, using the other to put up his hood to shelter himself from the increasingly heavy rain. He put his hands in his pockets and sulked. Near looked up at the great ocean of cloud stretching across the sky.

'_I should have brought a coat.'_

Suddenly a lightning bolt pierced the clouds, a sharp crack in the grey horizon. The roar of the thunder shook the air and pounded against Near's eardrums soon after.

He started walking – limping really- not sure where he was going, nor how he was going to get there.

But something in his gut told him it was going to be all right.

-

Mello was playing with his hair.

He didn't know what had compelled him to do it; his hands had just gone up there and starting doing shit.

_'Fuckin' wrong body.'_

He was crouched on the floor, in the middle of one of Near's larger playthings – a massive block city made out of a whole rainbow of coloured blocks. He had been crouching for way, way too long.

'_No wonder Near's such a weirdo.'_

It was 7pm. It had been one hour since he called Near; one hour of sitting in a giant children's toy.

'_I wanna walk. _.._'_

Mello stood up. Then he remembered why he had remained seated in the first place.

His ankles felt like they were bearing the whole of the Earth rather than one small teenager. The muscles in his legs were jittering about like feeble scaffolding. He felt himself toppling.

_'NO! I will _NOT_ fall over!'_

His knees began to buckle.

'_No!'_

Mello collapsed in a heap on the floor; panting heavily, as if he'd just jogged for miles.

"Damn… it! What's… wrong… with his fucking body?"

Halle watched him. She looked like she was watching someone die of Alzheimer's disease.

Mello creased Near's face up in disgust.

"I'm… not some fucking invalid! Stop looking at me like that!"

Halle quickly turned away, looking even sadder than ever. Mello knew she had feelings for him, but he didn't care. He would never tolerate someone treating him like a weakling, _**ever**_.

'_I hate this. I knew he was a puny little creep, but I didn't know he was practically a goddamn invalid.'_

He let his limbs flop and fall flat against the marble floor in defeat. Near's body was too unfit to move even a small distance.

But soon Near would be arriving, and then the whole mess would be over. The whole situation fit neatly in his head, like a bullet into a gun, or one puzzle piece into another…

He realised he had a hankering for a puzzle. His hands were drawn to the white one far off to his left, the one Near used to play with back at Wammy's.

_'What am I thinking? I am _not_ going to waste my energy on a puzzle. Nuh-uh, no way.'_

But he still started crawling over to the puzzle like a toddler, huffing and panting as his arms and legs tried to hold up his body. Halfway there his elbows slipped on the smooth floor and he fell face-first onto the cold marble. He had never felt more humiliated in his life. He got back on his elbows and fumbled the rest of the way, closing the gap between him and the puzzle. Movement had never seemed so arduous before.

He pushed himself onto his knees; then he picked up the completed puzzle and tipped it upside down. White wooden pieces crashed onto the black floor. The noise echoed through the spacious room.

Mello picked one up and put it in its place. Then he placed another down, and another. He had never done a puzzle before, but aligning those wooden pieces felt like the most natural thing in the world.

_'What is Near's body doing to me…?'_

Mello felt like pondering that question, but decided that philosophising was something Near would do; he chastised himself for even considering such rumination.

'_Do I sound like Near when I think? What would Near sound like? I'm quite sure he'd avoid colloquialisms but-'_

Mello knew the answer - he was already thinking like Near.

'_I SOUND LIKE NEAR! Oh god I sound like _NEAR!_'_

The world was starting to spin around him, his stomach felt like it was in a juicer, and his arms were shaking.

Mello grabbed a strand of hair and yanked it out of his head, wincing as its root was torn from his scalp. He did it again.

'_Don't scream, don't scream, I mustn't let them know that being in Near's body bothers me.'_

He needed to do something to re-affirm who he was, and he needed to do it now, before he lost touch completely.

He lowered his hands and took a deep breath, attempting to calm himself before he spoke.

"Halle!" He called, trying to sound as commanding as possible, "Get me some chocolate; and not that common crap either – it better be good stuff; like Butterfingers bars or that Swiss stuff - Lindt. And be quick about it!"

Halle trotted off, muttering profanities under her breath.

Mello felt pleased with himself. At least he still got to boss around goons in Near's body.

_'And now to wait for my Butterfingers bars.'_

His stomach was beginning to feel better already.

-

Thanks for reading =D I hope you enjoyed reading the chapter as much as I did writing it.

-Insanitoon


	4. Chapter 4

_From **Insanitoon: **Just wanted to say thank you to everyone who's read and reviewed this story! =D Now, on with **Forbiddensoul562**'s chapter: Chapter 4._

_-_

**A/N:**

**Disclaimer: We do not own Death Note or any of the characters in this story!**

**-  
**

Chapter 4

The rain was still falling in sheets outside down to the earth, and the lightning continued to streak across the sky every few moments. Fortunately, Near and Matt were now in the safety of a repair shop.

Near had been content on simply following his gut and walking the rest of the way to New York City. But he hadn't gone more than ten feet before Matt ran and caught up to him.

Near sighed as he looked out into the rain from the brightly lit storeroom they were in now. He was still soaking wet, and cold too from the AC._ 'How exactly did Matt convince me into this?'_ He asked himself, using the reflection in the window to watch Matt talk to the mechanic behind the counter.

_'Oh right… because of his valid point; it'd be much faster of a way than walking.'_ But who knew how long that was going to take, exactly.

_'So much for meeting at 8.'_

But as his eyes looked back out onto the rain-soaked parking lot; he noted the other cars that were sitting there. He wouldn't have been able to see anything had it not been for the one lone street lamp lighting the lot.

As he watched them, he suddenly got an idea.

The idea was nothing like what he knew his own, sensible, mind would ever come up with. And normally he knew he would disregard anything of this sort.

But this situation was different. The importance of getting to that building was what made him slightly more comfortable with the idea.

'This is definitely something Mello would come up with… no doubt about that.' He thought to himself, turning towards the room. 'So I'm beginning to think more like him. Not to mention acting like him as well. Very interesting…'

He then pushed the thought aside, deciding to just go with it instead of over-thinking, for once. He was anxious to get there, after all, and wanted his body back even more now that it felt so close.

He turned back to the bright storeroom, which was loaded with packaged car items, and went over to the counter where Matt was. "Excuse us." He said, interjecting into their conversation and pulling Matt away.

He pulled them outside, under the awning so they wouldn't get as wet as standing straight in the rain. "What the hell, Near?" Matt asked.

Near didn't bother explaining, he just wanted to get straight to the point. "Do you know how to hotwire a car?" He asked, though pretty much figuring that he would. If Matt could hack into computers, and things of that nature, then messing with wires couldn't be too big of a problem.

Instantly, Matt drew back. "Near." His tone was surprised, and almost a bit teasing. "Are you suggesting we do something illegal like that?"

But Near wasn't in such a mood. He felt obviously out of place in all of this, but because he was in Mello's body, he could retaliate and act, rather than crumble into himself to fall away from society.

His eyes narrowed. "I want my body back, Matt." He said; his voice dripping with Mello's usual venom. "I don't care what it takes! Now can you do it, or not?"

If he couldn't, he was beginning to reconsider the option of just walking the rest of the way there. Waiting was just taking too damn long, and in Mello's body, he found he didn't have the patience for such a thing.

Matt drew back again, this time in surprise from Near's words. "Uh… yeah, I can." He said simply.

Near nodded, "Alright, go hotwire one of them. I don't care about Mello's bike right now; he can always deal with that later. Right now, I just want to get there and fix this." He explained as he pointed out to the dark parking lot. It was heartless to steal someone's car just for his own gain, but at this moment he was growing desperate.

"Alright, alright." Matt said, looking out in the rain. After a long pause, as his eyes surveyed each parked car; probably to make his selection, then he ran out into it and headed for a simple blue four-door car.

Near watched from the shelter, away from the rain, as Matt fumbled with the car lock, wondering whether or not he'd even be able to do it.

When the door finally clicked open, Near smirked a bit. Things looked like they might actually take a turn for the better now.

-

Thankfully, it wasn't more than twenty minutes later when Matt finally got the wires of the car all in place, and the lights came on, almost as a way to signal his success.

_'Finally,'_ He thought, heading out into the rain to the passenger side of the car. He felt the need to be the one driving, and thus controlling things, but Near pushed that away as he got in.

The desire to get there was clouding everything else now, and the last thing he needed was to trust this gut feeling Mello's body was having and end up getting them lost.

"Let's go." He said as he closed the door. "Before anyone else notices what we did."

Matt nodded without another sound; quickly lighting a cigarette and pulling out of the parking lot and back out on the road.

The road Near knew would take him to Mello, and thus back to his body.

-

Meanwhile, at the SPK, Mello was no longer surrounded by the legos and robots that Near usually had around him. Instead, now he was surrounded by stacks of chocolate bars.

The habits of Near wouldn't completely leave him, he noticed, as even when he had all the chocolate, he still couldn't stop himself from making a tower out of the rectangles.

And not just any towers, but they were organized by the types of chocolate he had there.

There were all different kinds, milk chocolate, dark chocolate, some with almonds, and some with caramel. And Mello continued to eat away at them. His new taste buds told him that they were too sweet, and that he didn't like them. But he knew that he did. His regular body always liked chocolate.

He had to force himself to eat it, as it felt like the only way to keep Near's lack of emotions and thought process away from his own. But as he continued eating, he knew it wasn't working too well.

His eyes looked over to a clock on one of the computer screens, seeing that it read eight-thirty now..._ 'Dammit, Near, you said you'd be here at eight! Where the hell are you?'_

He was growing frustrated by Near's lack of presence. Every second that Near wasn't here was another where he felt himself becoming more like his said rival, and Mello felt it would be impossible to get back into his own body.

Finally, he decided that he needed to do something about this. He needed to find a way to connect back to himself even more; rather than allow himself to fall into Near's normal persona.

He looked around the room, finding Rester sitting there at the computer. He found it odd that, at all times, someone was always here with him. Maybe it was because he was really Mello. Or maybe Near really did need someone like that. He wasn't sure.

But it didn't matter, the fact that someone like Rester was there would be good for him.

"Rester." He said suddenly, putting one of the chocolate bars between his teeth while he forced the noncompliant body to stand on the wobbly legs. "Help me downstairs." He hated having to ask for help, but he didn't have any other choice. Near's body was simply too weak to make it down on its own.

"Downstairs?" The blonde commander asked, looking confused at him.

"Yes, downstairs!" He said; growing frustrated and also feeling like the legs he was standing on would give out at any moment. "I want to go outside."

"Outside…?" But Rester then stood, which kept Mello's frustration from leaking out again. He must have understood what Mello was trying to do, for he didn't ask anything else, and instead picked him up and began from the room.

Mello let out a frustrated sigh; he felt so weak being carried like this. He didn't understand how someone as controlling and manipulative as Near could deal with things like this.

-

When he finally made it downstairs, to the ground floor, Rester finally set Mello down.

Mello looked out at the line of doors that led into the building. It was raining outside, and darkness had crept upon the city.

He felt himself growing nervous about this, but he couldn't quite place why, exactly. He knew there was nothing bad about just stepping out there.

But even so, something about the thought of going out into a world he couldn't control made him uneasy in the pit of his stomach.

But he forced himself to push all of that away, and instead tried to bring his old self back up. He had to feel that, despite being in Near's body, and about to go out, he was still on top, and he could control everything there if the need came about.

With that thought, he forced himself out of the doors and onto the New York sidewalk.

The rain poured down on him, but instead of feeling cold or refreshing as he thought it would, they felt like burning needles falling from the heavens and piercing into his skin.

He bit his lip to hold back any sounds of pain. But then his eyes focused on the huge numbers of people walking around him.

All of them held different and equally uncaring faces. He felt like he was so different from them, and surrounded without a way to escape. He wanted to say something to make it all stop, but no words came to his suddenly parched mouth.

In that moment the building seemed to fall away from him and instead crowds of people surrounded him. He was lost in the sea.

Near's body didn't even feel connected anymore, and in that moment Mello lost control over himself, and felt it crumple down till he was sitting on the concrete, paralyzed in place, with his breathing coming out ragged.

_'What's going on? I can't even walk down the street!'_ He thought, frustrated with himself. But then he began to think._ 'Is… this how Near feels when he goes out? No wonder he stays inside all the time…'_

Somehow, he found the strength in him to stand back up, and stumble back to the glass doors of the building. Safety and comfort lay inside; that much he was sure of.

When he stepped back inside the nearly empty building, everything seemed to collapse around him, and again he fell to the floor –as his legs were shaking too badly to hold him anymore.

In that moment, he knew, this place wasn't just a building or a headquarters for both himself, or Near. It was their prison.


	5. Chapter 5

**Disclaimer: ****I do not own Death Note or anything associated with it.**

-

AN: Sorry for uploading this chapter so late, but I was on holiday XD Anyway, I hope you enjoy it.

-

**Identity Crisis:**

-

Chapter Five:

The car stank. Half-eaten pizza lounged on the back seat. Matt chewed on a slice as he drove along the highway.

"Nothin' like leftover pizza!"

He grinned, revealing cheese-coated teeth. Bits of Pepperoni were stuck to the bottom of his lip.

Near could feel bile building up in his throat, so he opened his window and tried to breathe in the fresh air. Cars clogged up the road; their fumes suffocated his nostrils. He glanced at the car clock. It read 21:00. It had only been one minute since he had last checked the time, but it felt like it had been one hour.

_'God, I could do with a chocolate bar right about now…'_

"Hey Matt." Near grunted, "stop over at the next gas station."

_'Am I really saying this?'_

Matt swallowed some more pizza. "Why, Near?"

Near turned to face him. Mello's electric blue eyes burned with an insatiable hunger.

"Chocolate."

Matt grinned.

"Shoulda guessed. Hey, if you're into chocolate, like Mello, would you wanna… you know?" He wiggled his eyebrows and winked.

Near was completely perplexed.

"Want to what?"

Matt chuckled. "Never mind."

*

He couldn't become Near. No way. He'd show Near's damn body who was boss. Hell yeah!

Or at least that's what he'd said when he'd dashed out of the SPK building in one of Near's jumbo sit-in toy cars. Mello had realised he was lost when he started passing by boarded up houses and drunken tramps. He should never have left the SPK building in the first place.

'_Damn it.'_

He tried to turn the little toy car round and drive it back but no matter how hard he hit the mini-accelerator, the tiny wheels wouldn't budge.

Mello gave it a massive kick and hurt his toe. He growled and leaned back against the orange plastic seat. Maybe Rester would find him soon; they were probably looking for him already.

A plump woman enshrined in three scarves and a massive coat crossed the street. She started walking towards Mello; her smile stretched her podgy face out like a rolling pin across soft dough.

'_Oh god no… why is she smiling like that?'_

She extended her arms out and squeezed Near's cheeks. "Aww! What a sweetie you are! Where's your mommy little guy?"

'_How old does she think I _am?_'_

Near's body was too exhausted from its brief adventure earlier on to form words. All that came out was, "Wh-uh, I'm…"

His babbling only antagonised the cheery doughnut.

"Aww! Can you say Mama? Ma-ma?"

His lips felt like jelly.

"Fung, fung off." He blubbered.

The overdressed meatball suddenly looked concerned.

"We'd better take you back to my house so that you can wait for your mommy there, sweetie."

Mello flailed about in Near's toy car like a dead fish. He had to escape _now_, before she took him away to her shack in the forest and ate him like psycho women seem to do.

She picked him up and held him against her bosom.

"You're a heavy fella, aren't you darlin'?"

Mello wanted to scream.

'_Fuck, fuck, fuck! I can't go to this crazy bitch's house! I'll never find my way back to the SPK building if I let her do that!'_

Purple, orange and yellow scarves suffocated Mello's vision; a car made a high-pitched bleeping noise close by. Before he knew it he was being strapped into a baby seat.

The lady smiled like a deranged clown.

"Now you sit tight okay hun?"

She was kidnapping him; she was driving away with him like he was her own child.

He pushed at the blue and yellow polka-dotted safety belts that held him to his seat. The car lurched backward, then forward; then it rumbled down the road toward its destination.

He was trapped.

-

Near hefted the twenty chocolate bars he bought onto the counter. The cashier looked like Blackbeard on a diet. His beard rustled as he eyed the pile of candy.

"That'll be eighteen dollars." He mumbled.

Near rummaged in his pockets – but he couldn't find any money. The cashier frowned.

"Just a moment." Near assured the cashier, turning round to see if Matt was nearby. His begoggled friend was over by the magazine section.

"Matt!" He called; trying to sound composed. "I'm out of money, could you lend me some?"

"Sure Near."

Matt strolled over to the counter. Then he pulled out a revolver and aimed it at the cashier.

"Don't move. Put your hands in the air. My friend here will leave with the chocolate bars; you will not hit any alarms whilst he is doing so. Understood?"

Blackbeard sighed and raised his arms; as if armed robbery was just a particularly dull aspect of his career.

"Near, take the chocolate bars." Matt never took his eyes off of Blackbeard.

"Do it, Near."

Near dumbly obeyed, collecting up Hershey's and Milky Way's alike and carting them off, out of the store and into the tiny gas pump section. Matt's footsteps clapped down the tarmac behind him; hand yanked the door open and prodded Near inside. The engine roared into the life, and they rocketed out of the gas station.

Near couldn't believe they'd just robbed a store for twenty chocolate bars.

"Matt, why did you do that?" His voice sounded so far away all of a sudden.

Matt's voice floated over the back seat. "You wanted those chocolate bars, didn't you?"

Near glanced at the chocolate bars. He wanted to eat one right now – but if he ate even one bite he'd have to shove a whole bar in his mouth. Then another, and another.

"Exactly, you did. So, I just got you what you wanted. That place had no security cameras you know. I checked."

The chocolate bar wrappers glimmered in the lamplight. A Reese's bar grinned at him in orange and yellow.

Matt glanced in his rear-view mirror and smirked. "Don't worry about it, I've done this kinda thing loads of times."

Near wanted that Reese's. He needed that Reese's. But if he ate it, he'd be profiting from crime. He'd be no better than Mello himself. No, it was simply out of the question to eat it. But he _was_ really hungry.

Before he could stop himself, he snatched it from the pile of chocolate bars and tore the wrapper open. Matt exploded in laughter.

"Oh man! Haha! I knew you'd do it! I knew you'd want 'em. I saw you eyeing 'em up earlier. You're just like Mello man, just like 'im."

Near couldn't hear Matt over the noise of the chocolate bar. Matt lifted his goggles and wiped tears from his eyes as they turned into a dirty urban scrawl.

Near took a break from eating chocolate to breathe. He glanced out of the window. Graffiti was splattered across cement in a grimy rainbow of slang and tag names. They turned a corner, and suddenly Matt slammed his foot on the brakes. Near's forehead smashed into the back of Matt's seat. Chocolate bars soared through the air like spears. Screeches tore into Near's eardrums.

Then the car finally came to a halt just inches from a brick wall. Near fell back onto his seat; something solid leapt onto his lap. He craned his neck down to see it.

It was his wallet.

Near groaned. How could things get any worse?

-

'_When I escape from this high chair I'm going to kill that bitch.'_

Mello tried to pull himself up and out of the chair, but Near's arms were just too weak.

'_How can he survive like this, how?'_

Near's hand sneaked up to his hair and started twirling it.

'_I need to make a plan.'_

He looked around him. The kitchen was lined with baby food. All the surfaces were spotlessly clean, except for the walls – someone had drawn across all the walls in several different colours of crayon. Mello wondered if the crazy doughnut lady had kidnapped any other kids before him.

As if she heard his thoughts, the crazy lady pranced into the kitchen. She was no longer swathed in scarves; now she was wearing a frumpy orange jumper that was two sizes too big, even for her.

"Hi snookums!"

'_Oh fuck.'_

"Guess what I brought you?" She proffered a jar toward him.

'_You didn't… you didn't, you crazy bitch.'_

"Baby food!" She said this last part with so much joy that Mello actually winced.

'_You did…'_

"Here, let's give you some. You must be very hungry after all!"

She carefully unscrewed the bronze lid and dropped it onto the marble counter. Then she froze.

"Wait a minute hon, I need a spoon." She looked like she'd forgotten to bring the corpse to a funeral.

She rushed over to the drawers and started yanking them open. Mello tried to squirm out of the chair while her back was turned.

"Where _are_ those spoons. Come HERE you lil' pests."

She pulled one of the drawers so hard that it came clean out from under the counter and crashed onto the tiles below, spilling its jangly, clattery cargo across the kitchen floor.

'_Jesus Christ she's losing it!'_

Near's body had given up on him – he wasn't sure if he could so much as open his mouth.

She tensed like a lion ready to pounce. She sounded like a fairy on crack.

"Here it is!"

The sound of her voice was enough to spur him on.

He screamed; it gurgled out of his mouth like sewage through a drainpipe.

"**YOU!**" He grunted hoarsely, "_You are a crazy… fucking bitch! Let me go _**right now**_, or so help me god I'll pound you to death with this high chair!_"

"Sweetie… you're speaking!" Tears streamed down her cheeks.

"WHAT!? WHAT!? I'M 21 YOU WRETCH! FREE ME NOW!"

She went towards him and smacked his hand.

"You do _not_ use words like that in this house!"

Mello tried to yell again, but Near's throat wouldn't form the words.

Doughnut woman sighed. "It's okay sweetie, with so much violence and filth on TV you can't help but pick up a few naughty words."

She gently lifted him out of the high chair – he could barely move. He hoped that she was going to leave him alone somewhere, like in a crib or a playroom.

"Time for a diaper change."

Mello vowed to pee in her face.

-

Jethro wandered through the nightlife of New York. Neon lights blazed above every window and drunken youngsters streamed out of every door. Beer, farts, soda, neon, mud, sweat and semen blended into an unbearable stench. Jethro's sensitive nostrils couldn't handle such an olfactory assault.

He glided down a dark alley.

Then he bumped into _him_.

Blondie the Chocolate boy, the one he thought he'd killed - along with a jammy-headed buddy of his. Blondie looked annoyed. A sweet-smelling vehicle sat behind them.

"Matt, I thought you said you knew where the SPK building was."

"I do! Just not from hundreds of fuckin' miles away dumb ass! Do you think I've got a road atlas in my head?"

"No, but I thought you knew what you were doing! Clearly you don't, as you almost drove us into a brick wall!"

Jethro wondered if they could see him.

"HEY!" he yelled, waving his arms about wildly; "I'M OVER HERE!"

They didn't so much as glance in his direction.

"Look Near, arguing isn't going to get us anywhere, all right?"

_'Why can't he see me?' _Jethro wondered.

'_I'm sure that kid touched my Death Note, I'm sure of it. But I killed him didn't I?'_

Blondie tore a lump out of a chocolate bar with his teeth.

'_Clearly I didn't. Well, I'm lucky that he can't see me, might as well leave 'em to their argument while I still can.'_

He drifted unnoticed into the night, leathery wings, giant horns and all.

-

The car glowered at them like an irritated drunk; it pointed to its ragged wheels. 'Se these?' it moaned, '_You_ did this to me!'

'_No,' _Near mused, _'Matt did that to you. Not me.'_

Near been in two road accidents in the same day. None of Mello's belongings had been wrecked, fortunately, so he could use his mobile to call the SPK building. Near dialled the number.

_Riing Riing, Riing Riing,_

Matt slumped against a grimy brick wall and smoked a cigarette. The whirring of cars flying by tickled the hairs on Near's arm. The quiet bubbling of faraway party-goers danced around Near's head.

_Riing-_

Rester picked up.

"Near?"

"Hi Rester, can you-?"

"We've got a problem Near." He sounded panicked.

Rester sighed on the other end of the line. Mello's hand reached into his pocket for a chocolate bar, but nothing was there.

"…We've lost Mello."

Near kicked the worn-out car with all his might. The steel carcass grumbled a bit, but nothing more. Mello's foot, however, was howling at full volume. Near hopped on one foot while holding the phone to his ear.

"…Damn it! How did you lose him?"

"Uh…He was panting and sweating after he tried to go outside unaided. I went to get a first aid kit just in case he'd injured himself because I thought he was too exhausted to move."

Near started grinding Mello's teeth.

"When I came back, he wasn't there. I looked in the main room, but he wasn't there – and your toy car was missing as well. I rushed outside to look for him, but it was already too late by then. I'm sorry."

Near groaned, "All right, all right. Just, for god's sake, find him. All right? Look everywhere – and don't mess up."

He hung up.

Matt gave him a quizzical look.

Near broke the silence.

"Let's go and get some more chocolate. I'm hungry."

-

-

-

Thanks for reading =D

-Insanitoon


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